Atomic Bingo Review

The word ‘atomic’ is not currently one people want to use lightly. Since the devastating earthquake and ensuing tsunami led to the meltdown at Japan’s Fukushima nuclear power station, shoals of radioactive fish corpses, along with other dead marine life, have been washing up as far away from the incident site as north west coast U.S.A. Reports are coming in that Russia has mobilised a medium-range cruise missile, in turn violating the terms of a peace treaty that was instrumental in ending the Cold War.

We also read just the other day that radiation spikes have been recorded across Europe, source unknown. First tracked in Norway, these traces are of a particular type of radioactive material with a very short half life, so to be recorded in such high volume means something has occurred recently. Secret warhead testing, or an undisclosed medial research facility are the two most likely candidates. It’s all a bit worrying, but nevertheless Atomic Casino has nothing to do with any of those news stories, and will likely (hopefully) be around much longer than the lifespan of said reports, as such let’s stop beating around the bush and get on with the review.

Not the Fastest...

When the landing page first loads up, which isn’t the quickest we’ve come across, you’ll notice that Atomic Casino isn’t really the most aesthetically pleasing online casino out there. In fact, it’s pretty garish, evidently designed by programmers rather than web designers proper.

How can we tell? Well, for starters the marriage of colours is rather unsightly, with orange bordering on red (neither of which are combined well), black dominating the background, and some British pound coins providing a focal point by way of the central image. And they are gold. So that’s gold, orange, red and black. Not exactly a recipe for making you want to investigate the site further. Nevertheless we did – someone has to – and here’s what we found.

Scroll down for a Second

By scrolling down you’ll find yet more reddish backgrounds, adding to the sense that someone behind this website has been watching a little too-much Total Recall. That aside, there are a couple of thumbnail images showing the types of games on offer, split into Featured and New. There are only four of each, which isn’t exactly filling in any blanks.

There’s nothing to tell us what kind of games these are, either. They might be slots, they might be scratch games, they might be something really, genuinely interesting that we’ve never seen before. We’ll never know, though, without clicking on something to find out. As such we have another (relative) certainty- the developers responsible for this website don’t understand the first thing about how people respond to websites. The less clicks to acquire information the better. And certainly don’t make people click even once to find out what types of games are on offer.

Click Once, Game Over

OK, so evidently you do have to click once to find anything out about what this website has in store for members. The most logical thing to press is ‘All Games’ at the top of the screen (in the blacked out bar where you’ll also find the trademarked logo for Atomic Casino). Sadly, this is where things go from stupid to unbelievable.

All the games are stacked together in columns and rows. So that means poker and baccarat, jack or better, next to slot machine games. The only way we know the slots are slots is because we’ve reviewed enough of these websites to recognise the more familiar titles. And the titles aren’t bad, but heavens above someone should please give us a way of separating or at least searching for the type of game we want to play.

It’s pure laziness on the part of those responsible, and makes you wonder why you even bother looking deeper into the website. If those responsible couldn’t find the time to make it easy for you to navigate, search and discover, then why should you be bothered to give them your money? Especially when ‘All Games’ brings up a grand total of 54 titles. Most online casinos have double that number in slots alone.

The Forgotten

No, this section isn’t on the BBC Radio 4 series called ‘The Forgotten’, in which documentaries are broadcast focussed on small, intimate stories about hard done by people and those experiencing real problems. Instead, we’re speculating as to how Atomic Casino came to be this bad.

One theory that has been banded about the office is that the website has been ignored for so long that it’s just not fit to exist anymore. The consensus is this is correct- you really do get the feeling that someone set this up with the best intentions of making it into a great casino website. Back in 2006. Then they put it aside whilst the next series of Big Brother occupied their evenings. Then they completely forgot they had registered the website, and now they are just paying for the URL upkeep without even realising.

Surely You Can Find Something Nice to Say About It?

No, not really. You might think that despite the lack of games, completely terrible site design (both aesthetically and functionally), and general neglect, there would perhaps be a decent offer or two on the table. Unfortunately, there’s not even two.

New members will receive a 110% match on the value of their first deposit. No second deposit bonus, or third. And you shouldn’t even think about all the sites offering a bonus on the fourth. There’s no loyalty system advertised, no regular promotions, no themed tournaments. Someone is clearly having a laugh, and it might be our staff, at the state of this travesty.

Atomic Conclusion

What more needs to be said, or indeed can be said? It’s not that Atomic Casino has overlooked a few things, it’s that it has overlooked almost every aspect required to run a successful online casino. There aren’t enough games, you can’t find the games that are there properly, the bonuses are non-existent, the incentives are null and void. Worse, in fact, the incentives are nowhere to be seen.

In terms of support, all you’ll find is small tab at the bottom of the screen, which rather than saying ‘Support’, uses the term ‘Disputes’. This is almost like admitting that the main reason people would get in touch is to complain. Presumably disputes do not extend to people who just hate everything about the website itself, and if they do good luck to whoever has to monitor the inbox, which is actioned via an online comments form – the worst of all means of communication. Apparently Atomic Casino is on social media- Facebook, Twitter, that sort of thing – if it is we hate to see the reviews. In short; avoid, avoid, avoid!